Sustaining: A Reverse Harem Series (To Tame a Shifter Book 4) Read online

  Contents

  1. Her Flock

  2. That Scar

  3. Dark Seduction

  4. Wickedly Sinful

  5. Without Kain

  6. Dirty Work

  7. Past and Present

  8. Sex and Flowers

  9. Made of Magic

  10. From Bad to Worse

  11. A Surprise Visit

  12. A Sea of Glass

  13. Finally

  14. The Reckless One

  15. Then There Were Eight

  16. A Part of Pain

  17. An Unexpected Meeting

  18. The King’s Arrival

  19. Dangerous Secrets

  20. Love and Lies

  Also by A.K. Koonce

  About the Author

  Sustaining

  Copyright 2019 A.K. Koonce

  All Rights Reserved

  Cover design by Killer Book Covers

  Editing by Studioenp

  No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without express written permission from the author. Any unauthorized use of this material is prohibited.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Created with Vellum

  One

  Her Flock

  Her eyes are big. They’re the deepest blue, more indigo than anything, and I never really noticed how deep the emotions are within them. They’re just like mine.

  And they’re gleaming with a mask of unshed tears while her hands shake against the hand-carved table. The tabletop is crafted into smoothed, meticulous perfection—it’s the very image of who my father is as a person. We sit side by side in the sweet little bakery and my mother never glances away from me, watching every word that falls from my mouth like it’ll explain the feelings shining in her eyes.

  “And you just went with that demon?” My father swallows hard, swallowing back the sound of anger and hurt in his voice.

  He’s so strong. I used to think he was the strongest man in the entire kingdom.

  He doesn’t look like that man anymore.

  Both my mother and father are more fragile than they were when I left all those years ago. His inky hair that’s cut close against his scalp is peppered with silver. Those dark amber eyes that always beamed with a smile, always clinging to the laughter of life, they’re faded now. That happiness is gone, and the gaze that’s looking at me now is lined deep with pain as he processes the story I told them of how I’d left with Kreedence and Sinister to strengthen my magic.

  I told them I’d left to become the mage I always wanted to be. But really, I’d left because I just wanted to find myself more than anything. Magic or not, I didn’t have a fucking clue who I was. I was young. Young and naive in so many ways.

  I know now. I know who I am and what I’m capable of and I never would have found that without the men standing behind me.

  My father’s hardened stare lifts to those men, and I see it the moment he zeros in on Sinister. He looks from the demon to the lashing scar that crawls down my right arm.

  It’s still numb from the wound the Solstice Queen gave me. Last night, when I woke up in the attic of my mother’s bakery, Kain said Sinister healed me. My fingers tingle with pricking sensation but refuse to move. I hold that hand with my other, placing them both over my lap as I sit before my parents. I feel guilt. It’s a swell of emotion that chokes the breath in my lungs for leaving them behind without explanation. But a little broken part of me also feels angry that they still don’t get it.

  I’m twenty-four years old, and the number of people who fully accept me for who I am is five.

  And my own parents aren’t included in that math.

  I didn’t tell them that he’d hurt me. As much as I love them and want them to understand, I’ll never tell them what really happened between me and Kreedence. It’s just too hard. It’s too hard to look into their disappointed eyes and tell them my life wasn’t what they had hoped it would be for me. How do you tell someone who loves you that you hated yourself?

  That weak little girl is gone now.

  I don’t tell them. But the way they look at me, I feel like they know.

  Once more, my father pins a glare against Sinister. Then he stands with intent, his chair scraping harshly over the wooden floor.

  “It wasn’t Sinister. He’s my friend. He took care of me the entire time I’ve been gone. He’s saved me more times than I can count.”

  My shoulders pull together when I hold my hands tighter, wishing the first meeting I have with my parents could be different. They hugged me. I walked down from the attic of Bellamix’s Bakery just as the sun was rising and they froze for a moment. The words that rumbled through my father’s wide chest halted in an instant, falling away and forgotten as he stared wide-eyed at me where I stood in the doorway.

  Her hands shook when she hugged me hard against her, and they shake now.

  “I’m glad you had someone, Arlow.” The soft sound of her words doesn’t reflect the hard glare in my father’s eyes.

  I’d met a few demons in the heart of the busy Kingdom of Minden, but they’re scarce in Warf. Mostly because they’re deemed powerful, manipulative, monsters. Which, if I had never met Sinister, if I had only ever met Kreedence, then I would have to agree. But Sinister isn’t like that. He’s sweet and gentle, and why am I letting my thoughts run eagerly to him right now?

  “What about the others?” The gruff sound of my father’s voice shows just what he thinks of the others.

  I turn stiffly in my little wooden chair, feeling very much like a child introducing her first crush to her father. The golden morning sunlight falls in waves over the attractive men lingering near the door. My mother’s small bakery doesn’t give them enough space to really appear like they’re allowing privacy for us. Sinister keeps his crimson gaze on me. Kain’s shoulders are locked, his hands held behind his back as he watches my father’s judgement. It’s a respectful sort of look but it’s also a bit too—dare I say—alpha. Chaos and Rime stand side by side, passing a quiet glance between themselves.

  The others.

  How do I explain the others?

  A lie catches in my throat, ready to tell my father they’re a platonic group of gentlemen who have never once taken me two at a time or fucked me against a dinner table. They’re the sweetest young men, Dad. But before the word-vomit lie can tumble out, the ring on my hand catches the sunlight. The angled cut of the crystal eats up the golden ray and gleams an inky color of pure beauty.

  “They’re my mates.” Among all my scattered emotions this morning, a smile tilts my lips.

  When I look back up, Chaos gives me a wolfish smile that makes the entire situation feel inappropriate.

  “Your mates?” The outraged boom of my father’s voice shouldn’t make me smile more.

  It shouldn’t really.

  But I can’t help it.

  My life is an upside-down mess all of the time, but I have men who love me. Fuck everything else.

  “Taron, calm down.” My mother stands at the small circular table the three of us are occupying. The hand she places on his arm eases the tension in his shoulders but it doesn’t tear his gaze away from the men across the room. “She’s here. She’s home. We prayed all that time, and now she’s finally here again.”

  Once more, my father swallows slowly. When his whiskey colored gaze trails across my face, those reckless emotio
ns swarm me all over again.

  I wouldn’t change my experience for anything, but I hate that I hurt them.

  “Your mother and I have to work today. With the weather turning erratic lately, we can’t afford to miss a warm day of work.” My father was always a business mind. Some things never change. “But your room is still just as you left it.” His big, calloused palm brushes down the length of my scarred arm.

  It’s nice, even if the numbness doesn’t allow me to feel it. It’s the sweetest father-daughter moment.

  Until he speaks again. “There’s not a lot of room up there for an entire flock of men, but your friends are welcome to share the couch.”

  An unrealistic image of three shifters and a hellhound cuddling tightly on my mother’s floral-printed couch flashes through my mind.

  When my smile widens, my father’s grimace deepens. His glare pointed in my direction wipes away the tilt of my lips. Right. He meant that jab as an authority-driven powerplay. Not as the dirty fantasy that’s currently running rampant in my head.

  Two

  That Scar

  Sea Side Street is an entire lane of storefronts. Bright paint in blues and yellows and pinks make them flashy and somehow perfect among the washing waves of the ocean. Warm cobblestone is all too familiar under my feet as the five of us trail along the edge of the shore. Past the mound of white rock and beyond the golden sand is the crash of the waves. The white thrashing sea is a fierce sound this morning that roars in the background of my thoughts.

  My gaze lingers there until I feel the press of a stare against my face. I look up to see woman I went to school with. Her name is a gone from my memory, but damn if that scowl on her lips isn’t permanently burned into my mind. The only thing worse than the way she stares at me is the way her glaring green eyes shift to Sinister.

  I walk around him and slip my good hand into his, pulling his attention to me before he even spots the petty woman.

  It’s a strange, impractical thought, but I wish I could protect him from the world.

  His fingers tighten in mine, his hard body coming closer, making sure we touch with every step we take. Everything about him is easy. Despite all the hate Sinister sees, it doesn’t seem to affect him. His gait is an easy stride, careless. Sexy even.

  He doesn’t give a fuck about these people. And for once, I agree with him. I put an effort into the shifter village for my men. I wanted to fit with their family and their lives. This place, this place doesn’t deserve that courtesy. Fuck this little village and fuck everyone who hates us for our differences.

  But also, like, don’t be mean to my men. I just can’t handle it.

  “Show me where you grew up. I want to see your home,” Chaos says, his bright eyes searching every detail of the shops we pass.

  His happy inquisitiveness makes me wish we could stay here and enjoy the beautiful sights.

  But I can’t. I won’t.

  “Her home or her bed?” Rime taunts from over Chaos’ shoulder.

  “Why can’t it be both?” The shifter lifts his big hands innocently from his sides.

  “Are we just going to ignore what happened in the shifter village?” Kain passes me a questioning glance.

  I’m not. I couldn’t ignore it if I wanted to. It’s just all of this stuff is piling up. It’s teetering above my head, ready to crash down. I fucked up. Again. I ruined the place they had in the village of Valencia. Chaos, Skovence, The Solstice Queen, and myself completely destroyed an entire building in the middle of their village. And let’s not forget that they all think I murdered two women.

  So no, I don’t think I could ignore all that if I tried.

  “There’s nothing to say,” Chaos all but growls out, his fingers never stopping as he drags them over every colorful brick building we pass, his gaze looking into the shining windows with pure curiosity.

  “There is,” I whisper.

  “There’s not.” His boots scuff against the cobblestones, and the moment he stops, we all do. “They were wrong. They were going to lock you up and throw away the fucking key for something you didn’t do, Low. I’m not going to go set up a life in a place that doesn’t accept you.”

  Surprise. We’re already in that place that doesn’t accept me, Chaos.

  But I don’t say that. My homeland is worse. He doesn’t exactly know it yet, but Warf never felt like a home to me. I hid my magic just like my mother demanded, but they always knew. Little screwups over the years; homework bursting into flames when I got my first F, bats flying out of Fayla Waller’s mouth when she called me bitch in the middle of class, those same bats flying out of other places when I found out she’d fucked the boy I liked a few months later. Incidents have always happened to me. And those casual incidents made everyone around me all too leery of the small, shy girl who never said too much but always drew unwanted attention to herself.

  His fingers skim down until Chaos clutches my hand in his. My heartbeat kicks up, and I wish I could actually hold his hand back the way I’m holding Sinister’s. Beautiful eyes search mine. Moments pass, and that sweet gaze turns to concern.

  “What’s wrong with your hand, Arlow?”

  I physically flinch when Chaos says my full name. It’s such a serious sound.

  “It’s fine.”

  My fingers slip away from Sinister’s, and I pull my numb arm away from Chaos to keep it close to my chest. Dozens of people mill around us, passing and watching us, their attention skimming all over me while I try my best just to keep my secrets within.

  All four of them are staring at my scar now. Kain steps closer, his thumb brushing down the long length of the injury the Solstice Queen gave me. Kain’s always so thought out and careful with his touches that it makes me crave him even more. I wish I could feel it. I wish I could feel the sensation of his big hand running slowly down my arm.

  Nothing. I feel nothing.

  “I thought you healed her, Sinister?” Kain’s deep, mossy eyes lift to the demon at my side.

  “The wound was a simple fix. Usually they don’t heal that way, though. Usually the skin is nearly unblemished.” Sinister’s long fingers skim against the back of my hand, running over the jagged line there while Kain sweeps his touch up to my shoulder.

  I’d normally love the feel of their hands all over my body, if only it wasn’t such a gut-wrenching fear that something might really be wrong with me. I thought the numbness would subside. Maybe within twenty-four hours the tingling sensation ripping beneath my skin will fade. It’s magic. I can tell it’s magic but I’ve never reacted to anything like this.

  “I’m sure it just needs time,” I mumble.

  Rime comes closer as well, and now I’m surrounded by four solid chests and eight brooding eyes.

  “It’s her magic.” Rime’s voice cuts across his lips in a low, flat tone. Frost-kissed eyes glimmer like the dangerous sea as he raises his attention to meet my eyes. “She sank her power right into you. Infected you with it.”

  “How do you know that?” It’s a quiet question, but I know he hears me. How does he know so much?

  “Because it’s said, that’s what she did to her husband. And to his guards. And to every person who tried to stop her.” The even words turn manic, his features as lost as always when he looks at me.

  “Well, they shouldn’t have tried to imprison her.” The Queen’s words about people who loved her turning on her, and on all mages, circle my mind.

  “They didn’t try to imprison her, my Tamer. She was tired of being used. When the young Attikan woman was first crowned Queen of Minden, she handed out magic like it was a currency. Gave King Barren indestructible armor for his men, weapons like the world has never seen. Impenetrable walls line this kingdom even today, all thanks to her magic. And he treated her like she was nothing more than a pretty pet. Years passed, and she grew tired of ruling his kingdom. She grew tired of living a life without love or appreciation. So she tried to take what she thought she deserved. The Attikan Queen tried to t
ake Minden from Barren.”

  My lips part, but no words come out. She…tried to take the throne. She tried to overthrow Barren. A voice in the back of my mind is cheering her on, but another voice keeps whispering treason despite not being loud enough to speak over my applauding approval.

  “How do you know that, Rime?”

  It’s a story I’ve never heard. This kingdom has been washed away of the fading memory of the beloved Solstice Queen. I’ve never heard a bad thing about her really. I certainly haven’t heard about her one-woman rebellion.

  “A man who…I knew when I was a boy used to tell me bedtime stories about the Attikan Queen of Minden just after she disappeared. They say she disappeared or maybe died of natural causes. But the truth is, Barron got rid of her. Just as he did majority of all the mages in existence.”

  How? How could a simple mortal man win against a mage like that?

  My heart tumbles down a sharp and painful fall at the sound of Rime’s quiet words. I hate the sound of his voice right now. I’d much rather have his cold wrath than that lost, quiet tone he gets when he remembers something from his childhood.

  My arm wraps around his waist, pulling him against me, even if my other hand refuses to join in on how much I want to make sure he knows I’m here. That he’s here.

  His cold fingers tangle through my dark hair as he holds me to his chest, his heart pounding hard against my cheek. For just a second, I close my eyes to the feel of his body surrounding mine. Everything, every screwed-up thing in my life, is perfect when he holds me.

  “Can we heal it?” he asks Sinister, interrupting my short-lived bliss.

  “It’s powerful magic. That’s why I couldn’t make that ring for you. The same chaotic power that burst into that crystal in such a beautiful, damaging way is what’s scarring Arrie’s injury. She’ll always have that scar. But…maybe I can try again. Not try to heal her but try something else. I don’t know. I don’t know if it’ll work.”