Into the Madness Page 19

  I nod to him, my gaze narrowing suspiciously on him before my palms push over his shoulders, and my knees settle on either side of his legs. He pulls me closer, his fingers gripping me painfully as he slides me fully against his erection.

  My lashes flutter, but I keep my attention on him. “So, you’re going to give them back?”

  He shakes his head.

  “Not a fucking chance,” he whispers against my lips.

  He’s never once made the move to kiss me. Maybe he’s afraid I’d push him away like I always do when he touches me. I can’t, for the life of me, imagine him afraid of anything.

  But he does seem afraid of me sometimes. Afraid of getting too close despite how close he always keeps me.

  His fingers brush down the valley of my breasts, making slow work of trailing over my stomach before slipping down my folds with so much pressure I gasp when he presses hard against my clit. His eyes watch mine, drinking in my every emotion before his fingers slip lower, sinking into me so slowly I have to stifle the moan caught in my throat.

  “Mmm, that’s right, give me all those innocent sounds, My Sweet Madison.” His mouth brushes against the curve of my neck as his fingers arch deep inside me.

  My fingers fumble against the button of his slacks, but his other hand settles over mine. “Go slow.” His words confuse me, and he seems to see it in my features. “I know you think I’m an asshole, but I’m not a quick fuck. I’m going to make every part of you feel good.”

  Go slow? We’re about to fuck on the King’s throne with a hundred people in the next room over, one of whom is said King.

  “What if someone comes in?” My voice shakes, and the weak sound of it only makes his pace quicken, slamming into me so hard another moan slips out.

  “They’ll turn around and walk right back out. Don’t think about those other people. Right now, you’re mine.” My heart stumbles when he says that. He places a careful kiss to the side of my jaw, his lips coming closer and stopping right at the corner of my mouth.

  I turn to him, and he stills when I lean forward. His body holds pure tension until my lips press slowly to his. Every angry word I’ve ever said to him and every wanting thing I’ve never spoken is pressed into the passion of that kiss. His tongue meets mine like we’re both starving to taste each other, and all that control and concern that was just in my mind is torn away as I start to thrust against his hand. He releases his hold on my wrist to tangle his fingers through my perfectly curled hair. He fists it hard, and he doesn’t stop me this time when I start to undo the button of his pants.

  The moment my fingers push down the length of his shaft, the urgency of the situation seems to fire through us both. His hips rock against my palm in steady even strokes that match my own, both of us needing the other more than just the sensual touches we’re sharing right now. Faster and harder, we work against each other, breathing in one another’s quieted, needy sounds.

  When it rises too high, when it feels like it’s too much, I stop. It’s so abrupt it takes him a second to pull back from me, worry lighting his eyes for the very first time since I met him.

  He’s worried.

  About me.

  About us.

  But he shouldn’t be.

  I lift myself, steadying myself against the man I love to hate. The one I can’t seem to feel anything but trust for. I trust him more than I trust myself right now.

  It’s easy to hate the villains.

  No one ever tells you it’s just as easy to fall for them.

  His big hands clasp over my hips, and he lines me up until his cock brushes against my slickness. He holds my gaze, he holds me in place, he holds all the control right now as he lowers my hips ever so slowly.

  His lashes waver, but he never looks away from me when he fills me slowly inch by inch. A prickle of pain is faintly there, but it’s washed away with a blooming feeling of uncontrollable want. My hips rock subtly. When I gasp against his lips, they curve up in the devious smile he always has, but this time it’s a lazy smile of pleasure. And something else.

  Something dark and dirty.

  “That’s it. Fuck me like you hate me, Sweet Madison.”

  Guilt spirals through me in a nasty sensation that makes me want to shove away from him like I always do. Then he kisses me, drowning me in that fucking irrational craving that I reserve just for him. And then I do exactly what he told me to do.

  I thrust down on him so hard that both of us moan against one another, my nails clutching into his shoulders, digging into his jacket. I wish his clothes were gone just so I could draw blood and make him feel all the terrible, addicting, and delicious things he always makes me feel.

  My teeth sink into his lower lip, not bothering to drag over the skin lightly or teasingly, doing it solely to give him the pain I know he wants.

  Blood tinges my mouth just as he groans low and rumbling.

  His fingers dig into the curve of my ass, and he holds me down against him, forcing me to take every single inch of him. I struggle to find a rhythm again, shifting in his arms, but he never releases me. It’s a controlling hold that I’d momentarily forgotten he was capable of. It feels cruel, but the way he’s looking at me isn’t. He keeps me held there without a hint of space between us, and I swear I do hate him. I hate him.

  And then he grinds his hips up, thrusting up even though there’s nowhere to go, but he goes deeper anyway. Firmly he pins me down on his cock, his every move presses against my clit, sending pulsing tingles through my body with every meticulous thrust he gives me.

  I relax against him, my body shuddering as my lashes flutter, my cries becoming louder and louder the more he works me. Harder he fucks me with bruising strength, but it isn’t enough.

  My eyes meet his, and for the first time, there’s an honesty to his gaze, an open pureness in the way he’s looking at me. He doesn’t look like the man everyone fears. He looks like a man who’s been hurt, and abandoned, and completely discarded.

  My palm lifts to the base of his jaw, my fingers skimming over that long slicing scar that leads all the way up his face. His attention flickers over my curiosity during our moment of innocent intimacy.

  And then he tips his head back and pushes his throat harder into my palm.

  I gasp when he slides ever so slowly out of me and then forcefully back in. It’s a delicious mixture of sweet darkness.

  Just like Alixx.

  It takes me only a moment to understand what he wants. My index finger tenses just slightly over his skin, and a heavy breath of air shakes from his lips, making me understand him on a deeper level with one single breath. My palm flexes, nails biting into his neck with the briefest hint of pain, danger, and blatant arousal.

  He pushes into my palm even harder, but this time for another reason. His mouth slams to mine, his tongue sliding over mine in the deepest kiss of my entire life. My grip on him shifts, and I hold him with both hands fisting his inky hair.

  Long fingers skim hesitantly over the column of my throat. My heartbeat climbs with every touch he gives me. He lingers there for a single second before sliding his hand carefully away. I can still feel his touch even when his lips brush gently to the side of my neck. I barely feel the light raking of his teeth before he bites there hard enough to make me scream.

  And then I come. I tremble violently in his arms, and he growls a pleased sound, releasing his tight hold on my hips and fucking me a bit more recklessly until he too groans into my neck. He stills in an instant, but his lips press sweet, tender kisses over the painful spot on my throat. Hooded eyes study that mark on my neck for several seconds before he kisses there once more. His hands push up and down my spine, and he holds me so gently to him like I’m the most valuable thing this demented man has ever had in his life.

  Moments pass before he unfolds a white pocket square from his suit jacket. I watch him in confusion when he pushes it along his split lip. He stares down at the small tinge of blood for several seconds before folding the
napkin neatly into quarters and pushing it into his pocket as if saving it for another time.

  When his dangerously beautiful eyes look up at me, he shows me a vulnerable little hint in his gaze. It’s a slightly worried look like I might judge him for something, judge him the way the rest of the world judges him.

  Or maybe…he’s afraid.

  My palm shakes when I bring it up to the sharp angle of his jaw. His head tilts, leaning into my touch just slightly. He and I are like two thrown out pieces of completely different puzzles that somehow fit side by misplaced side.

  My lips skim against his, and I think that one sweet, chaste kiss tells him all the things I never say to him. As much as I hate him, I also want him.

  Until he speaks.

  “Come along, Sweet Sister. We mustn’t keep your fiancé waiting.”

  Twenty-Eight

  Madison

  The following morning is like a blur, and when Cat hands me a glass of Rosen, I down it in one big drink. Her pink eyebrows arch, and she flags one of the many women rushing around to get me another two to three glasses of Rosen.

  “You’re doing fine,” she says with a cat-like smile that does absolutely nothing for my nerves.

  A white dress taunts me from a hook that it’s hung upon across the tent that I’m getting ready in. Fucking white dress. Fucking wedding. Fucking Alixx and his fucking perfect fucking.

  It was exactly what I wanted: sex filled with passion and desire. And now I’ll never have it again. After the delicious soreness of my body fades, it’ll be like last night never happened.

  If I’d just had boring, unwanted sex with Constantine for the rest of my life, I’d never know what I was missing.

  And now I know, and now I want that and so much more. I want that so bad that it hurts.

  The angry breath that shoves out of my lungs sounds more anxious than furious, and Cat just thrusts another glass of Rosen in my hands. I take it just like I did the last.

  When she pulls my hair back to start curling it, she stops dead in her tracks.

  “Oh.” She coughs, and a sly smile pulls wide across her lips. “That sexy bruise on your neck is going to require some makeup for today. And tomorrow. And the next day.” She winks at me with a sultry smile.

  My eyes widen. I grab the hand-held sterling silver mirror to take a better look at the horrible assaulting bruise.

  All I can do is cringe.

  And so does Kais when he walks inside my tent.

  He turns on his heels with murderous intent in his sky blue eyes and swings that glare to Lighton who stumbles into the other man.

  “What?” Lighton takes a step back from the violent look that says he’ll murder Lighton for even glancing my way right now.

  “Did you fucking fuck her?” Kais grabs Lighton by his neatly pressed collar and hauls him off the ground. “We had one fucking rule. One!”

  “He didn’t!” I screech.

  The few women in the tent pretend to be busying themselves with fanning out my dress that seems to be getting whiter with each passing second.

  “Leave,” Kais doesn’t even look their way, and the women scurry out the moment he speaks. He releases Lighton and spins on me, giving me the full effect of his dangerous gaze. He swallows, soothing the aggression in him before he brings his attention back to me with a bit more control. “Did you fuck Lighton?” he asks in a very calm, collected tone.

  “No,” I growl out.

  The tent wafts open, and the last person who should walk in here right now strides right in.

  “Miss me?” Alixx’s smile is pure sin and bad decisions.

  And Kais sees it right from the start.

  The twitching of his jaw is the only premeditated sign of what’s about to happen. Kais’s fist comes up in a show of unrepressed strength. A thud of breathlessness leaves Alixx as he doubles over against Kais’s fist that’s still settled firmly into the man’s abdomen.

  “You fucking touched her when you knew how important she is. You selfish fuck.” Kais shoves Alixx off of him, throwing him to the tent floor and glaring down on him even as Alixx gives him that fuck you smile.

  “You really think she’s as innocent as you keep telling her she is?” Alixx’s laugh turns maniacal as he pushes himself off the ground with one hand. “Did it ever occur to you—”

  I cut off his nasty words before he says something that will get him killed. “I fucked him. I…I wanted…I just…it’s my fault.” My voice grows incredibly small, and the only people who aren’t glaring at me right now are Cat and Alixx. Who are both smiling like I made the world’s best decision, and I hate them both for how much encouraging approval they’re giving me in this moment.

  “Why?” Lighton blurts like it’s the only logical question. “Why Rotter? Was I not around? Could you not find me? I was there.”

  Fuck. My. Life.

  I didn’t think Alixx’s smile could be any more wolfish, but watching me try to explain to Lighton why I fucked Alixx, instead of either of the two men standing before me, turns his manic smile into a slashing display of perfect white teeth as he slowly gets to his feet again.

  “I—”

  “I’m going to deal with this after the wedding,” Kais tells Alixx as calmly as possible. His agitation comes back to life within seconds though. “I hope fucking her is worth a war.” There’s barely any distance between the two men as he glares hard into Alixx’s eyes.

  There’s one single second when he looks at me and something flashes in the assassin’s eyes.

  Sadness? Guilt? Both?

  But when he turns back to Kais, it’s gone. The look reflected in Alixx’s gaze is cruel amusement now. “It was just one ally helping another. It was meaningless, really. Just one meaningless moment in a lifetime of meaningless moments.”

  Pain sinks through me slowly. It’s a different kind of pain that sears and spreads in my chest. It’s nothing like any hurt I’ve ever felt in my life and I hate that he caused it so easily.

  And I hate that I let him cause it.

  Meaningless. That defining title, that’s what hurts the most. It has me dissecting every single moment I’ve ever spent with him.

  We tell everyone around us thousands of lies. Was what he just said a lie for Kais, or were all the things he’s said before a lie for me?

  I thought we were allies. And then I thought we were friends.

  The truth is, we’re nothing.

  Just two people in a miserable situation that can only get worse.

  And I’m just now seeing that.

  “She has a wedding to prepare for. All three of you need to leave. Now.” Cat stands, pressing her long fingers to her hips in a power pose of irrefutable dominance. She’s petite, beautiful, and currently telling three of Wanderlust’s most dangerous men to get the fuck out.

  Alixx looks away with that disgustingly arrogant smile still tilting his lips. He takes a moment to adjust his tie and crisp white cuff links. He glances from Cat to me. His attention holds on me for so long it makes my stomach knot. I hate the way he’s looking at me.

  I thought I knew that look.

  He exits without a word to me.

  Kais never looks away from me, and it makes me fidget under his gaze. The fierce tattooed man has a lot of worry in his eyes right now.

  He walks the few feet toward me and leans over my chair, wrapping me up in that scent of his that gives me the strangest feeling that everything will be alright as long as he’s near.

  “Be careful,” he whispers, his breath fanning along my neck. He pulls back, his gaze locked on mine even as he walks away.

  Lighton passes me a long look. He doesn’t move an inch. He doesn’t say a word, and I think that hurts more than if he’d screamed in my face.

  He turns to walk out.

  “Wait.” I rush over to him, letting the morning sunlight warm my face as it sneaks inside. My heart hurts, and I don’t know what to say or do or even if I should touch him or not. I’ve never felt so
unsure around him.

  “You don’t have to say anything. You’re about to get married, and I’m being ridiculous.” He shakes his head, and the laughter that he breathes out is so forced it cuts off abruptly.

  His golden hair is combed back neatly. Big brown eyes shine down on me, and he looks so different from when I first met him. He’s sober.

  And hurting.

  I hurt him even more than he already was.

  “I’m sorry.” My hand slips into his because I just can’t stand not touching him.

  He searches my eyes slowly. Then he leans in, the sunlight cutting across his bronze skin, and then he presses his lips to mine. He kisses me on my wedding day like he’s the only man I should ever kiss for the rest of my life.

  His tongue flicks against mine, making me arch into him before he pulls slowly away, making me chase the taste of his lips. He tilts his head, his five o’clock shadow brushing along my ear. He whispers so quietly I barely hear his rasping words, “Do you want me?” My eyes never open, but I nod to him, feeling like my heart’s going to break at any minute today. “Do you want Rotter?”

  That pain burns in my heart like it’ll never leave for the rest of my life.

  Fuck Rotter.

  My jaw clenches and I shake my head hard even though it feels like a lie that I never even spoke.

  “That’s all I need to know,” he whispers.

  He kisses me again, pressing my back into a thin wooden beam supporting the tent, making the structure shake from the force of his kiss. The kiss is so rushed, so needy, so fervent, I’m sure he’ll fuck me right here. His hips rock against mine just once, making me feel the hard outline of his erection before he steps abruptly back. Heavy breaths shake out of him, and he watches me as I hold myself up on that little flimsy support beam. He watches me like he’s trying to remember me just as I am.

  He opens the tent but pauses there. “You’re a beautiful bride, by the way.”

  “My hair’s a wreck, I don’t have makeup on, and my dress is still on its hanger.” I smile softly, but the smile doesn’t stay.